High School and the Weihnachtsmarkt
High School and the Weihnachtsmarkt
If you had asked me in 2004 if I believed in falling in love, I would have said yes. I would have gushed over my flings and boyfriends, but none of it was deep. All of my relationships had been passionate affairs of a lust filled heart. It wasn’t until the fall of 2004 that I believed less in falling in love and more in falling into fate.
He was tall and handsome with dark brown hair and light blue eyes. He was always dressed well with khaki pants and button down shirts. One day, I needed my laptop fixed and our homeroom teacher told me to ask him, so I did. The problem was, I was really self-conscious of my overly ripped jeans and baggy t-shirts. I was the definition of unkempt. I generally just pulled whatever I could find out of my drawers and threw it on. The only thing I really had going for me was the fact that I didn’t really care what others thought.
So, that day I gathered the courage to ask him for help, but I got nervous and rambled on about how I lived off base and could get him a bottle of wine in exchange for the help. My heart tightened in my chest when he informed me his mother was German and he wouldn’t need help getting alcohol. I was at a loss. Now, how was I going to get the clean cut senior to help me. I wasn’t cool enough to garner any points and I definitely didn’t have any money to offer him. Just before he walked away, he agreed to help and I sighed a breath of relief.
After the laptop was fixed, he handed me a piece of paper with his phone number on it and told me to call if the laptop ever had problems. I never had problems, so we didn’t really talk much after that. He had his friend and I had my distractions, but I caught myself looking back at him. I found his confidence strangely alluring. I wanted to know more. Normally, I would just walk right up to a guy and ask him out, but after the embarrassment of offering him wine, I couldn’t really get the courage to ask him out on a date. From time to time, I would catch myself staring at the sheet of paper next to my laptop at home.
The season slowly changed and I heard rumors of an outdoor market that was held downtown. So, longing to go and to know the guy more, I thought I’d take my chances in December and decided to invite him to the Christmas Market downtown. I knew this was the only real chance to ask since I’d have to go back to the States in the Spring.
I mustered up my courage and dialed the number on the paper. The phone rang with a strange pulsating sound. I hadn’t really called anyone that wasn’t Stateside, so I wasn’t used to this sound. My heart skipped a beat every time the pulsating paused. My throat became dry and tight as I waited for him to answer. A woman’s voice was suddenly on the other end. “Sie haben di..”
Click.
I hung up faster than I ever had before in my 17 years of life. Maybe I had gotten something wrong. I tried dialing again.
5. 3. 1…
My heart continued to race. The silence between each pulse seemed longer than the last. “Sie haben…”
I hung up again. There was no way I got it wrong. I guessed that I’d just have to ask him in person on Friday. Maybe I could convince him to go with me that night.
The next day, I waited until our class together had started. We all sat behind our computers and focused on the lessons we received over the internet. I turned my chair towards his.
“Ummm… Adam,” I forced his name from my mouth. “I tried calling yesterday, but I think I got the number wrong. I got an answering machine in German.”
“What number did you call?”
I showed him the paper I had written the number on.
“That’s right,” he said. “My mom’s German.”
I couldn’t believe I had forgotten. It’s all over I thought. Not only was I too unkempt, I was just American. I wouldn’t be able to relate to a German. “So you’re German?”
“Only half, my dad’s American. Did you need something yesterday?”
I froze. My heart palpitated in my chest and it became harder to breathe. My voice stuck in my throat. I had to get the words out. “Would… would you like to go to the Christmas Market with me tonight?”
He leaned back in his chair and thought for a moment before nonchalantly answering: “Sure.”
We set up a time and he offered to stop by my place. I went home that day and planned my outfit for the evening. Unfortunately, it was freezing outside, so I’d have to settle for nice pants and a winter coat.
Just before dusk, he came to pick me up. We walked the few blocks from my apartment to the city center. I scarcely remember if we even talked. I could only remember seeing my breath hang in the air. Since it was my first winter in Germany, I had no idea what a Christmas Market was, but I was pleasantly surprised to see the little huts with white lights dotting their roofs.
It was rather beautiful. I looked forward to coming back on a day after it snowed. Some huts sold bratwurst and fries while others sold beautiful Christmas ornaments. There were nutcrackers and purses and unusual metal figurines. I was lost in the comforting business of it all. There were people walking hand in hand through the makeshift town and people snuggled up on nearby benches.
I was finally able to look back at Adam. When he stood next to me, I had to lean my head back to see his face. I remember seeing his eyes dart from stall to stall as if he was looking for something. He turned to me and smiled. His boyish charm was overwhelmingly sweet. “This way.”
I followed him, taking nearly two steps for every one of his. It was the excitement that quickened my pace. I didn’t want to get lost. We walked up to the line in front of the gluehwein hut. The delightful smell of cloves and spices in the red wine warmed me before we even got up to the counter. The heat from the stahl made me wish we never had to move. I failed to notice him order two drinks. We scooted away from the stahl and back into the cold. He handed me a blue boot shaped mug. I could feel the heat through my thin gloves.
“I didn’t know what you would like so I got a gluehwein,” he said motioning with his mug. He then looked at my cup. “and a hot chocolate.”
I mumbled “thank you”.
“Would you like to try mine?” His eyes stared at mine.
I nodded and he put his mug to my lips. I could feel the steam on my face. I tilted my face forward a bit and took a sip. It was neither sweet nor bitter. The spices mixed perfectly. “That’s good. Thank you.”
“Do you want some more?”
Not wanting to take his drink, I tried to gracefully decline, but I sounded a bit brash. I just stood there and sipped on my drink. After a while, he asked if we should walk around some more. I nodded.
At some point, I realized I hadn’t really spoken to Adam much since he picked me up. He probably thought I was a bore. So I tried to think about something to talk about. I noticed big gingerbread hearts hanging in one of the stalls. They had German words on them that I didn’t know, so I thought I’d use this opportunity to talk to Adam.
“Oh, look! Big cookies!” I nervously used my entire arms to point, not ever letting go of the cup. “What does ‘Lieb dich’ mean?”
“Love you.”
I blushed. Luckily, Adam wasn't able to tell since my cheeks and nose were already red from the cold. “Ummm…”
Noticing my confusion, he explained further. “It’s German for ‘love you’. They’re Lebkuchen. Germans eat them around Christmas time.”
“Oh.”
“Would you like one?”
“No… I don’t like gingerbread.”
“It’s my favorite.”
I messed up again. I stuck my mug to my mouth to cover up my embarrassment, but the cup was empty. I pretended like there was still something to drink.
We continued to walk as I got lost in my thoughts, biting my lower lip. Normally, I wasn’t this quite. I would usually be babbling on about something. I heard a voice drifting into my thoughts. It was Adam. Still self-conscious, I turned my head to him, acting as if I had been listening.
He must have known I hadn’t heard him, because he repeated himself. “Do you like almonds? The Germans have something called gebrannte mandeln. They’re cinnamon roasted almonds.”
I had no idea what they were or what they would possibly taste like, but I wasn’t going to say no again. “Sure.”
We found them at the stall at the end of the little market. I insisted on buying them myself since he had bought me the drink. I bought them and we walked over to a bench that was a few steps from the entrance to the market. The Christmas lights faintly lit the ground around us. As we sat down, I slowly opened the package, both excited to try them and terrified I might not like them. The almonds were still warm and crunchy, sweet with a hint of cinnamon.
“These are really good!” I couldn’t contain my excitement. I really liked them. I turned my whole body to him and offered him some. He took a few.
“I’m glad you like them. I was worried that you weren’t having fun.” He said before popping them in his mouth.
“No. I had fun. It’s so pretty and the hot chocolate was good. I want to come back again and have a gluehwein too.” Being away from the warmth of the stalls and the people, I began to shiver.
“That’s good.” A smile stretched across his face as he spoke, but it faded slightly as he suggested we leave. I didn’t want to leave either. I still wasn’t sure what he thought of me. Maybe he was just a nice guy.
Instead of walking directly back, we meandered through the side streets, our souvenir mugs and almonds in hand. When we finally got to my door, I stood on the stoop as he stood on the ground. I reluctantly turned to him, wishing he didn’t need to leave. Our faces were finally level.
“Thank you. I really did have fun.” I said, forcing a weak smile.
“I’m glad you asked.” His soft blue eyes reflected the light of the lamp above us. “Tell me the next time you want to go.”
“I will.” My smile was a bit brighter this time. “Good Night. I’ll see you Monday.”
He leaned forward and kissed my cheek. His cold nose pressed against my face as the touch of his lips on my skin warmed my whole body.
I may have had to return from Germany that Spring, but I still remember that sweet winter kiss whenever my husband leans in to kiss me on cold winter nights.
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